Isaac

"Can't stop, I can't stop, can't stop it"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + Would name his (air) guitar after you...
     + Wants a girlfriend
     + Every song he writes will be about you...
     + Being able to cut off his monologues...

Downside: 
     - Two words:   Puff Broccoli
     - Wants a girlfriend  (a little too badly)
     - Plenty of time to ramble...
     - Isaac Powers: International Man of Mystery

Oft-uttered Quote:
"This is the toughest list I've ever had to make!"

Diana

"Diana was a young girl
with a young girl's heart"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + Gain tips on how to avoid morning sickness...
     + Can learn all the hidden family secrets...
         ("He still wets his bed..."   "No Way!")
     + Can weave her long hair into useful baskets and supplies...

Downside: 
     - Ever take a Lamaze class?
     - Mothering instincts...

Lunchtime Quote:
"Time for lunch...
right side or left side?"

Your Name Here (Obsessed Fan)

"Dying to be A-Hanson,
not trying to just survive"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + Talk about Hanson all day and night
     + Take turns role playing Hanson acceptance speeches
        ("...And a special thanks to our most devoted fan...
        and lover, (your name here)....")
     + Sing-a-longs

Downside: 
     - Constant fighting over who will marry Taylor
     - Never spending any time figuring out a way off the island
     - Arguing over who is the more dedicated fan

Dedicated Quote:
"Oh yeah,... well, I email and call TRL so much that
MTV has a restraining order against me!"

Zachary

"Wish that I wasn't here"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + Life would not be boring
     + Post-puberty hormones should start kicking in
     + Take turns doing each other's hair
     + Eating rats would probably not be a problem

Downside: 
     - No rest
     - Trying to strike up a serious conversation
     - Disagreements resulting in physical confrontations
       (It was pointed out to us that this could be a good thing!)

Survivor Quote:
"Shamooo, Save us..."

Britney

"Got lost in the game"

 Spears

Perks: 
     + Free Dance Lessons
     + Real or Fake:  You'll know the truth
     + Passing boats and planes should have no problem spotting
        that red catsuit...
     + Explaining to her how she is being exploited
        ("You do all the work, they get all the money...  Hellooo...?")

Downside: 
     - Always feel self conscious about your chest
     - If a boat of sailors come by and have room for
        only one person, you'll be their second choice...

Your Post Rescue Quote:
"I guess it's just me and the trees..."

Carson

"It's getting colder, in this ditch where I lie"

 Daly

Perks: 
     + Hanson will always be #1 on Deserted Island TRL
        ("With 100% of your coconut calls and 100% of your
         leaf-mails,... it's Hanson at #1 again...")
     + When he disses Hanson, you can grab the microphone/banana
        and shove it where the sun doesn't shine...

Downside: 
     - The other 22 1/2 hours of your day
     - Constant arguing of Hanson vs. Papa Roach
     - Constant arguing of Hanson vs. Slim Shady
     - Constant arguing of Hanson vs. Everybody

Back-breaker Quote:
"Okay... you win... Hanson is the best...
j-j-just don't say the JLH name again... <sniff, sniff>"

Walker

"I'm feeling older and I'm wondering why"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + A Father figure who can teach you a lot about life
     + He'll record your adventures with his camcorder
        ("Watch this,... here's the part where the natives
         shrunk her head...")

Downside: 
     - Facial Hair
     - He's old
     - His hobby of increasing the number of family members

Fatherly Quote:
"What's a good looking girl like you
doing on such a deserted island like this...?"

Mojo

"I'm definitely sure
that I do surely doubt it"

 Jojo

Perks: 
     + He should be able to come up with a plan for
        the two of you to take over the world, let alone get off the island
     + Find out the truth about how he created the Powerpuff Girls
     + He can nimbly climb the trees in search of food
        ("Hey, Mooojooo... toss me a banana, will ya?")

Downside: 
     - Do monkeys smell?
     - Arguments over which is your favorite Powerpuff Girl
     - He will repeat everything over and over, say it five times,
        rephrase things in different terms, say the same thing
        again and again...

Your Constant Quote:
"Shut Up... I get it already!"

Taylor

"Do you love me, do you love me,
Do you love me little pretty?"

 Hanson

Perks: 
     + Let's see... Taylor Hanson,... you,...
        and not another girl in sight
     + Two words:  bath time
     + You can give him some fashion pointers
     + More food for you

Downside: 
     - Less hair conditioner for you
     - Constant second place finishes in the
        Deserted Island Beauty Contest Circuit
     - If your kids turn out ugly,
        nobody's going to be blaming him...

Post-fatherhood Quote:
"Are you sure I'm the father of that?"

Survivor started on the shore of this uncharted desert isle...

with Gilligan...
"I want to be stranded with my Sega Dreamcast..."

the Skipper too...
"I want to be stranded with Cindy Crawford"

the millionaire...
"I want to be stranded with my lovely wife"

and his wife...
"I want to be stranded with Mel Gibson!"

the movie star...
"I want to be stranded with somebody nice
who likes me for me and not my name..."

the professor
"Oh brother, give me a break...
and they call me weird..."

and Mary Ann...
"Yeah... really!  And I suppose I can make
a video without showing any cleavage...
Dream on... pretty boy!"

all on Hanson's Island...
"Did somebody say cleavage???*